ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
