I wish I could punch you in the face.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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