college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
