I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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