We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize