Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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