if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
