I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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