come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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