i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
