The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
