We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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