They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
