the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
