My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
