Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
