i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
