I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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