They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
