she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
