You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
