I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
