Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
