i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize