1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
