you would pick up someone in the library
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
