You made me cry and you don't even care
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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