she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
