Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize