I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
