hotel room ftw
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
