I looked at my own cervix.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
