i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
