This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's get the cat blown out
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
