roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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