so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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