Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize