I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
