You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want to make out with him forever
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
