She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize