If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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