I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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