Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
