Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
