You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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