Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
