I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
