I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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