Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
