yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
