hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
