Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
