the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
