How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
