Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
