New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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