capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My ass is underappreciated
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
