my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
