found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
