Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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