he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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