Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize