i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
