I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
