"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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