Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
