Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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