nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
