Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
