Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
