Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
