There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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