if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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