I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am naked and annoyed.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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