You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
