Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
