Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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