piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
