I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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