what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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