That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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