When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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