I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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