Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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