I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
