if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
