wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Less talking, more tequila
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
