I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my being single is dangerous.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Is it penis luge time yet?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
