I heard we made out
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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