All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize